Throughout our numerous heartfelt conversations over the years, me and Fabrizio always find ourselves coming back to the same conclusion, that the most important thing is love and that it is at the heart of all that truly matters. So we decided to put some of our thoughts together on how we can live more loving lives, follow our inner guidance and intuition and step back from the thinking mind.
Anna: “What do you believe is the meaning of life?”
Fabrizio: The meaning of life is to learn to love. To understand that it is the only thing that is real. This entails realising that we come from love, we are love and we shall return to the road of love. It is important to understand that in order to learn, we are inevitably going to make mistakes, and that when we do so we should not be too harsh on ourselves. Rather, we should normalise mistakes, without taking them too seriously, and accept and appreciate them as part of our unique path of discovery. Moreover, no matter what happens, there is never a reason in the world for anyone to feel guilty and/or doubtful. These feelings will just make you your own prisoner.
Fabrizio Che is an avid traveller from Peru, he has a masters in international development and now lives in Colombia
Each of us are on our own learning path and we are all unique and special. We are at different phases on our own path, and so it is never useful to compare ourselves to one another. By understanding that we are allowed to make mistakes, we are then able to free ourselves from doubt and guilt. In acceptance of our own flaws, we broaden our perspective on life.
To learn to love is to learn from ourselves, it is to observe, to listen, to be curious, and to follow the language of the soul, which is intuition. Even if we don’t understand things rationally sometimes, we always feel what we feel. Therefore, if you feel like walking, do it. If you feel like going to the right, do it, and if you want to stop, do it, if you want to talk to that person, do it, etc. as by following what you really want you will learn from yourself way more than you thought possible. That will take you towards the path of who you truly are and closer to the truth of everything: love.
Ultimately, this will bring you closer to feeling alive. To breath, to see, to touch, to hear and try new experiences with your heart open. The purpose of life is to live to the fullest, to admire love through feeling alive. This means that you should go out and fall down, and also fall in love – contemplate, dance with the rain, express what your heart is telling you without fear and live without thinking in the past because besides love the only other certainty there is is that you will die. So, I advise you not to think too much, but instead to follow your intuition, not take yourself too seriously, not be too harsh on yourself, but live adventurously, be lively and by doing all these things you will be living the moment, your moment, and living life through love.
Anna: I think that one of the most important things you touched on was your point about how to free yourself from being your own prisoner. It is so easy and tempting sometimes to distract ourselves with endless thoughts, but the reality is that these almost never hold any of the answers. The answers come in the spaces in between, in the silences when the mind is quiet and there is space for truth to come seeping in, and in our more deep instinctive feelings that we call intuition. I also resonate with your point about letting life live itself without becoming too caught up in the higher meaning of things, and I agree that fulfilment comes in the enjoyment of the simple things (such as dancing in the rain). Allowing ourselves to feel what we feel and accepting that it is a part of being human takes some of the seriousness away from it all, and allows us to become more self-loving and self-compassionate. In order to love others, we must first love ourselves, and allowing ourselves to experience those moments of happiness, whilst coming to accept the more challenging ones as an inevitable part of human life, is a good first step.
Anna: “How would you define love?”
Fabrizio: Love is there every time you contemplate a sunset, every time you play that guitar, you partake in your favourite hobby, you hug a baby, you go on an adventure in the forest, you hug your friend in need, you hear the symphony, you hold the hand of your loved one, you see into the eyes of someone you love and instead of being angry for whatever reason you chose to feel compassion and see yourself in the mirror. It is everywhere, but unfortunately not all have the eyes, or the heart, to see it.
Love is everything that encompasses us and create us. It is the energy with the highest and most powerful vibration of all. It is so high that it makes you feel light and at the same time powerful enough to run a marathon without hesitation.
However, in order to see love, to live it, and to experience it you have to accept it. For example, everyone is beautiful but to see that you have to first see yourself as beautiful. We need to accept ourselves in order to open the door to love, it starts with us.
It is complex to pinpoint love in a sentence, but some of these terms are what I understand love to be. It is pure, honest, mercy, forgiveness, acceptance, powerful, light, present, free, and mostly it just is. Understanding these characteristics of love can help anyone to follow them and live life through love.
Anna: I agree that love is difficult to define, and everyone has their own perspective and definition of it. It is most important for me to understand that it is more than romance, as in my opinion it is limiting to believe that love exists only in the realms of romance, and often this can actually be infatuation under the guise of love. Love is simpler than that, it is harmony, and that harmony is most present when we observe the natural world, such as the perfect sound of a bird singing. I find it interesting that love, ‘amor’, and harmony, ‘armonia’, contain the same letters in Spanish as I really see them as intrinsically one and the same.
I also believe that whilst self-love is the essential core from which we are able to love out of, it is necessary to let go of the ego and find humility if we are to be able to love fully. Love is always fulfilling, it is an end to its own means, and it is therefore uncomplicated in its very nature. To be loving involves sacrificing the ego and being able to look outside of ourselves, however, which means being able to step back and see the bigger picture.
Anna: “What do you think is the importance of love?”
Fabrizio: Love is the fuel, it is a human necessity. Without it we cannot be happy. It’s the fuel for our soul, mind and body. Love takes away any sense of emptiness, unworthiness, fear and emotional pain. It causes us to be vulnerable and through this we grow courageous and strong. It unfolds the truth of who we are which allows us to keep on learning. Without it, we cannot be sensitive enough to admit who we are. Blocking us, putting on masks, and covering our faces with false ideas or emotions. Blocking us from expressing what we really are, blocking anyone from feeling free. No one that is not free cannot feel content, nor happy. Love is the fuel for life and without it, life is not worth living.
Anna: “What is fear, does it really exist?”
Fabrizio: It does and it doesn’t. It doesn’t exist because it is not real, it is not tangible, it can only be created from an emotional state. It exists because it can be created out of nothing in someone’s mind. It is created for survival. It is fear that causes animals to feel endangered and attack.
However, I have learned that fear, as I said before, blocks us as beings. Moreover, it can paralyse anyone. It can immobilize you from kissing the person you love because you are scared of being rejected. In that moment, that person is blocked in the same way that thoughts will not be able to flow normally. The stomach contracts and can even hurt. The cells of the body contract affecting its normal functioning. In the long term fear can cause long and complicated illnesses because it stops our body from being able to function the way it is supposed to. The soul is blocked, intuition is harder to hear and both the body and the heart are blocked. Fear stop us from becoming who we really are, which is the saddest part of it all.
In addition, there is a strong relation between the ego and fear. Ego is false love, and it facilitates an egocentric experience. The ego may say that people love themselves and pretend to be better than everyone else, and if there is any threat then the ego will be fulfilled by fear. This fear might be of removing the superficial mask that most of us wear, or even worse, that someone can see who you really are. On the other hand, love is about accepting oneself and others. Understanding that everyone is beautiful, no one is superior, we are all special, and there is no need for competition. Ego is defending itself against fear and attacks.
Since fear is based on acceptance, on freedom and letting situations flow, then the best cure to overcome fear is to love.
Anna: I see that you polarise love and fear, and I would take this even further and say that fear to me is the absence of love. If love is the only thing that is real, then fear is an illusion, it is like the darkness where there is no light. In this sense fear can actually be really useful, as it is an indication to us that we are not on the right path, and we can use fear to guide us back to love and to our true selves. I believe that who we really are is loving beings, and fear is the complication of the ego confusing and obscuring that. So when you feel fear, it is important to accept it and know that it is not who you are, and be grateful for this sign that your experience is not resonating with your higher self, and something needs to change.
Anna: “How can relationships help us grow?”
Fabrizio: Relationships definitely do help us grow, especially if they are honest, open and real. The best way to allow love to grow is to share it, as when you share with people, you build connections. Building a virtuous circle by giving love we are able to receive love back. Ultimately, what we give we receive back. After all, by accepting ourselves as beings of love we are able to flow with ourselves and with our environment, calling to us people whom we like and resonate with.
On the other hand, we can also learn from the relationships that hurt us. This is in the way in which they can prove to be an opportunity to be more compassionate to the person that has been mean, to identify our ego and decide to do something about it. It is all up to us, we decide who we will allow to open that door. Although, trust me when you live by love things become easier. When you lived by fear then you block yourself, as I said, emitting vibrations and messages that are not true to your higher self and attracting other types of energies that don’t reflect who you are.
Anna: I agree, some of the most challenging and painful relationships are those that teach us the greatest lessons. I find that relationships are like a mirror of ourselves, they reveal to us our tendencies and our flaws, which can be really difficult sometimes but can always be a major opportunity for us to grow and learn. That is why when you find yourself in a challenging moment in a relationship it can be really useful to take it as an opportunity to be the best version of yourself that you can be, and to remember that it is normal to make mistakes, and to be kind to yourself when you do.
Anna: “What can we do to love ourselves more?”
Fabrizio: Understand that we are here to learn, and that we all have to make mistakes in order to do this. There are no silly mistakes, just different rates of learning. There is no reason to feel any shame, fear, guilt our doubt. By accepting this we have taken the first step which helps a lot. Then it is important to understand that everyone, absolutely everyone is beautiful… as long as they feel beautiful themselves. It is crucial to have acceptance of yourself as this unblocks stuck energy, emotions and thoughts, and allows love to flow. It helps to look yourself in the mirror, remember when you were little, and tell that little child how beautiful they are from the bottom of your heart. Realising, even when you step away from the mirror, that you have to take care of that child. He/she is the most important creature in your life and needs to be protected and loved. With all this said it is important to respect yourself, as by respecting yourself you won’t allow the opinions of others to bring you down. By being you and only you, you will start the journey of building and knowing your true self. All through the path of love.