I’ve had these words lingering in my deeper consciousness for some time now, knowing that there was something I wanted to express but not being quite sure of where to begin. After hearing of yet another friend going through a difficult separation during this period of quarantine, all my lessons suddenly came to the surface and I knew what I wanted to share.
Going through a breakup can be one of the hardest things we as humans experience, we are biologically designed to produce offspring so it makes sense that some of our most primal instincts lead us to desire a companion in life. However, I have been learning that this period of transformation is often one of the most profound and fulfilling processes you can go through in life. It teaches you so much: about the nature of change, about who you are, about who you want to be, and about the kind of future relationships you want to have. It essentially reminds you of the truth of all that is: the only thing we know is change, and there is beauty in the impermanence if you can learn to accept it.
When I went through a significant period of separation from a partner I was close to, I remember expecting to be sad, depressed even, as this seemed to be what society had told me I would experience. However what I experienced was in many ways the opposite, as my heart wasn’t emptier than before, but felt even more full. The space in my mind which that person had occupied was now free to take in the beautiful sound of bird song, to linger on the way in which the sunlight turned the buildings of my city golden at dusk and to focus on every breathe I took and every silence in-between. There was suddenly so much space for self love, as all that love I had poured into another person I was now free to pour into myself. The most important thing when you go through a transition such as this is to make sure you are conscious of where you are placing your focus. This is an amazing opportunity for you to focus on what kind of person you want to be, what type of relationship you may want in the future and to learn from everything that happened. It is also an opportunity for you to take responsibility for mistakes you may have made and to accept that whilst you are not perfect, you are still so deeply worthy of love. Instead of reminiscing the past, spend time envisaging your future, as the unknown is so much more colourful than the known, and yours is limitless.
The thought I always come back to is that separation is an illusion, and once you come to understand this you realise that there is nothing to fear. We are, in my opinion, individual souls part of a greater global consciousness. We are here on this earth to learn lessons, but to do that we have to first go through challenges. In this way, our greatest challenges teach us our most valuable lessons. So be grateful for every heartbreak, because not only is it a sign of your strength (that you are still here, living, breathing), but it is also a sign that you are participating in a transformation that will most likely reveal things about you that you weren’t quite aware of before, and this is an invaluable strength to take into the future.
It’s okay to be sad, and it’s important to sit with and feel the emotions that are there, but it’s also okay to be blissfully happy for the opportunity that this has provided you. We are going through a remarkable time in which all of humanity are physically separated from one another, but there is great love to be found if you look inside of yourself and remember who you are. It’s a time to reconnect with yourself, your goals, what you truly desire and deserve and to love yourself again in a way you may have forgotten to do. Hug yourself and remind yourself that this too, shall pass.